Modern-day Commentary
Look, I’ll be straight with you. I think I made this up. I do remember writing this paper, but have no recollection of the event itself. Let’s start from the top. That downtown Milford Cinema rocked. It was the biggest piece of garbage you could imagine. Sticky floors, soda on the walls, everything you’d think a soon-to-be demolished theater would be. It was a block from my sister’s current home, so I bet she’d get a lot of fun out of it, if it weren’t a bank, or whatever, nowadays.
But, even if it is a fictional piece posing as a memory, the boy did do his research(!), what with the slippery floor, broken chairs, and fire escape that was more dangerous than sticking around for the fire. Despite classing up the situation in saying “new-found ‘chair'” I’m pretty sure I mean that I gave a lap dance to that poor old man who had nothing better to do than watch Critters 2 by himself at the worst theater in the region.
I have done a bit of research and have found that the song played during the closing credits is, in fact, quite catchy, so I can see why I unknowingly stumbled into the fire escape, but it’s a very poor closing sentence, I have to say. No suggestion of why I’d be fearful of meeting up with my sister.
I think I take the greatest offense at my having called this the “funniest time in my life”. My sister and I were best mates back then. She’s six years older than me, and when this movie released, I would’ve been about 11 and she would have just gotten her license. She took me everywhere all weekend long. We had tons of fun. I wish I had come up with something more likely to be true for this assignment. The only reason I can even imagine we went to this movie (33% on Rotten Tomatoes) is the appearance of highbrow heartthrob Scott Grimes.
The Primary Source
Web-Friendly Text
Rick Seaholm
English
February 2, 1990
Mr. Luzi
The funniest time in my life had to have been when my sister and I
went to see the movie Critters 2 in the downtown Milford Cinema.
We were running a bit late and after we had bought our tickets and
popcorn and made it to our seats, the movie had already commenced playing. It began with a very dark scene and I couldn’t even see as far in front of me as the popcorn I had already begun shovelling into my mouth.
We decided to sit in the back and like most movie theaters there were stairs leading to the high seats which were in the back. I started up the stairs and apparently someone had spilled a beverage on the floor. I stepped in it and slid into a row of chairs that were not occupied spilling all my popcorn all over the stairs and seats. My sister, who would laugh at the sight of a bloody homicide, roared out into a chorus of chuckles. This got me laughing and made me stumble backwards into a broken seat. My legs flew up into the air and kicked my sister’s tub of popcorn onto and all around an old man behind my new-found “chair.” After this hilarious scene, which lasted a few seconds, the same old man, who wasn’t even mad, exclaimed, “Watch out for that slick patch on the floor!” Gee, thanks for telling me, I thought to myself in anger.
After the movie, I was busy singing along with the tune on the closing credits and didn’t even notice that I was about to walk out the door which led to an old rusty fire escape that creaked with every step. I didn’t want to look like a geek who just happened to stumble out onto the third floor staircase (which I had) so I continued my walk down the beat-up steps, making it look planned out. I got to the foot and nobody had noticed. Little did I know I would now have to face my sister!
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