Modern-day Commentary

To look at this paper disgusts me. Back in the day, we were encouraged to write sentences with ridiculous syntax. I’m not sure if it was clearly laid out for us that way, or if it was one of these things where once we observed that a string of goofy sentences would earn a good grade, we’d see how many plus signs we could add to the “A” by forming even lengthier sentences. To this day, I suffer from the long-winded (but diagrammably accurate) sentence variety, but I’m glad I lost the desire to invert sentences somewhere along the way.

When I first uncovered this nonsense, I thought it must be leading to something, but there were no additional pages, no sequel paper to be found. No word on why I named the “zany” scientist Dr. Spud, no mention of why I chose to turn myself into a pencil. It’s all a mystery. But I did get that “A”.

The Primary Source

Primary Source

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Rick Seaholm
Advanced Language
October 4, 1988
Mr. Wexler

Scared and nervous, I sat in Dr. Spud’s anteroom. So that
I wouldn’t get away, I was strapped to a bed. Escaping would be
impossible.

All of a sudden, a flash of light surrounded the room.
Looking down, I noticed my feet were a pencil point. I felt like
myself, but I was a pencil. To write was my favorite activity.

Dr. Spud, the zany scientist, was overjoyed. While he jumped
up and down, I watched with a dismal feeling. I was as straight
as an arrow.