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December 16, 1988
Advanced Language
Mr. Wexler
The first time I went to my own secret land, was on December 34, 1986 VGT (VIDEO GAME TIME.) As I was working on my electrical shop homework in our basement, I reluctantly stared at the main fuse control box of our entire house. Strangely enough, one certain section of our insulation caught my eye, and as I ripped it off, I struck a button under the paneling, and in the wink of an eye I was tragically sailing through a narrow tunnel of darkness.
Under my feet was the pale, qreen surface of a computer monitor, and that was when for the first time I realized that I was inside my favorite video game “Snorky to the Sky.” I looked furiously around the world I was stuck in trying to find Snorky because I thought perhaps he could tell me a way to get home or why I was there. When I found him, Snorky, the hero of this game, was being chased by the dreaded King Roget III and Farley Newton wearing coats made of steel and green trousers that were of thin barbed wire.
I was very angry with Farley and Roget and I thought someone should stop them, so I went up and punched Roget, while I kicked Farley in the …. I asked Snorky how to get home and he said I should find the electronic wave I came in on and take it. I saw the main circuit I had come in on, jumped up on it in order to get home, and after I got home, I completed my homework, not touching any strange buttons and when I got to school the next morning I got an A+ on my shop homework and in front of the classroom I could swear I saw Snorky saying “Thanks. You saved my life.”
Modern-day Commentary
Snorky to the sky! What a great name for a video game. Not any ordinary video game, in fact, but my favorite one of all! I like to assume, sometimes, that my stories reflected a persona that I wished I could be. There were a few Rewinds I have found which seem to suggest that I was very interested in trying to save people. Not a bad aspiration. Also not bad would be the goal of attending some sort of vocational high school in which my homework consisted of tinkering irresponsibly with my family’s home-wiring scheme, but I’m struck because that was never a real-life desire of mine.
The video game itself is absurd. Snorky (we’re never quite told what he is, aside from the hero) is chased down by a king (atypical for royalty, although being the third in a line of King Rogets, perhaps he had less standing than had he been Roget the First or even The Great). And then there’s Farley Newton. Again, no hints of his back story. Their personal style is stupendous, however. Steel coats, and barbed wire pants. I really think I should have been able to outrun them if they were that heavy-laden up top, and scored and scratched down bottom. At least it was “thin barbed wire”, though it seems to me that would cause splinters as well as abrasions.
They mustn’t have been too tough after all, because I was able to subdue both with a punch to Roget and a kick to Farley’s “…” (I can only assume that meant his testicles, tee hee, puberty makes a boy so very tawdry!). Still I can’t help thinking that once they recover, they’re going to be even angrier at Snorky, but I’ll be back in my basement by then. But, surprise! I find that Snorky is transfigured in front of my classroom, I’ve saved his life. What a story!
Now let’s talk about this cover art a bit. I don’t believe I’m featured on it, so it could very well be the box art for the video game itself. Looks to me like a side-scrolling platformer, given that at about this time I was way into the “Super” Mario and one of the obstructions (the yellow and purple one) is clearly stolen from that franchise. (I have no explanation for the totem pole with lamp shade.) I’m reasonably sure, then, that this is a picture of Snorky (who has Snork-like protrusions on his head), being pursued by either Farley or Roget, given the mesh pants. Funny that the story itself gives no mention of the Diver-Dan helmet or hook he wears. Throwing star and dagger mid-flight: This is one messed-up antagonist.
Appended to the paper is the following self-assessment sheet. See if you can find the five words I used a thesaurus for! Glad I got that kick to the nuts to count as an optional ellipsis. Presumably that contributed to the three-pluses on this knock-out A paper.
