Modern-day Commentary
“Very sophisticated style” is how this story was described by my teacher. Three pluses attached to the “A” is how this story was graded by my teacher.
I seem to have had a desire to save people, judging from three of my recent Rewind posts. In one, the poet has done everything in his inexperienced hands to bring a family back together. In another, a boy saves many people despite a bit of bumbling. And now, in this one, a fictional version of me manages to save a dozen people from a flaming building. I’ve taken on superhuman powers (walking on air through flames), and gotten myself a pretty handsome cape. All while working high in the Sears Tower in Chicago, hundreds of miles from my hometown. Clearly, I hoped to break out of my small roots and be a successful hero. It brings an “aw, cute” tear to my eye reading the awkwardly constructed sentence: “To capture and save these inhabitants was his job.”
The writing style makes me hope that certain elements had been required for the story, as there is extensive use of passive voice (not unusual for newspaper writing), and two times in three short paragraphs, in which the phrase “the color of-” is used. The color of gold (which happens to be gold)? Why not just say “a gold medal” then? Interesting that it is not, in fact a gold medal, but rather a medal painted to appear gold. Was I that into image, that I didn’t care if it was a rubbish piece, but that looked impressive from the outside?
From an awkward standpoint, we have “wink of an eye” and “flames occurred”. And, I don’t quite understand the boots with sandpaper bottoms. I suppose I thought that would make them stickier to the air I was walking on. No clue.
The Primary Source
Web-friendly Text
Rick Seaholm
Advanced Language
December 2, 1988
Mr. Wexler
Rick Saves 12 in Fire
By Farley Newton
News Staff Writer
Chicago–
On November 27, 1988, Rick Seaholm of Hopkinton, Massachusetts risked his life to save others in flames.
Atop the Sears Tower, Rick was working his shift, when all of a sudden, flames occurred in the building below his office. In the wink of an eye, Seaholm went under his desk and donned his cape the color of night, and his boots with bottoms like sandpaper. To capture and save these inhabitants was his job. Out of the building sailed Rick, but not like any other hero from this sort of story. Seaholm walked through the air as he always does. The wind whistled as the hero shot through the sky into the building across the street.
Loving the admiration of everyone standing on the boulevard, Seaholm walked into the group of offices and lifted people onto his back one after the other and out of the structure he flew, so fast that the flames were put out by the wind.
Afterwards Rick was awarded a medal covered with paint the color of gold, from the mayor.